Why You Need To Accept Your Partner’s Differences

I was recently asked, “Lisa, what do you do when you feel you are not on the same page as your partner when it comes to goals, intention and drive?”

Now, I don’t use this word often, but relationships are very INTERESTING.

You see sometimes when we are in a relationship, we want our partner to BE like us and THINK like us.

But the truth is – you are not looking to be in a relationship with your TWIN! You want to find a MATCH who compliments you. To me, a match means “How do we find our differences and allow them to dance together?”

You want to be in a relationship with someone who provides balance and harmony – who is your anchor. Someone who is moving in the same direction as you, but maybe at a different pace. And they don’t have to be on the same page, as long as they are reading from the same book. Sometimes being on different pages actually expands your perspective on things.

I used to expect someone else to adopt my dream and share the same drive as me. But now I have learned that I can have someone in my life who has their OWN goals and dreams. They don’t have to adopt mine, but they can celebrate my wins and cheerlead for me.

So please watch this episode and ask yourself, “What brings GRACE and EASE to the relationship? When I realized that every time I wanted my partner to think like me and share my drive, they failed me. But every time I allowed them to just do themselves, it was a whole lot better.

I love reading your comments and seeing you engage with each other. What did you get out of this episode? What was your #BOL (breakthrough out loud)? What was your #AHA moment?

This is your home, and we are your community. And you and I are in a relationship too — and I think we are a pretty great match. I believe in you, and I love you. I truly do.

Your Sister in Prosperity and Possibility,

41 replies
  1. Carol Turner
    Carol Turner says:

    Grace and Ease was my aha moment. Not just in a personal relationship, also where I work , and my friendships. They’re all some type of relevant relationship that not everyone is going to see things the same way .

    Reply
  2. Selahmon Jones
    Selahmon Jones says:

    Hello, Queen I really enjoyed watching this video, watching this video brings so much peace to my mind, and it makes a lot have since because that’s where a lot of us go wrong at in relationships relationships” I used to have that same mindset as well it took me a long time, to break free have that way of thinking so I can totally relate to this. I had to break free of myself in order to truly be free. Now I can live in a peaceful environment with my boyfriend.
    You are truly a blessing to so many keep on keeping on

    Reply
    • Latoya
      Latoya says:

      I can relate to this because I always throught that my partner should be on the same page as me but after watching this video I see I need to change my that

      Reply
  3. Felicia Newkirk
    Felicia Newkirk says:

    This was really good content. It has opened my eyes & its OK to not be on the same page but at least be reading from the same book! Thank you!

    Reply
  4. Carol Lewis
    Carol Lewis says:

    Thanks Lisa
    Definitely an aha moment.
    I guess I’ve know this for a while, not only am I not on the same page as my partner we are reading completely different books!!!

    Reply
  5. Selahmon Jones
    Selahmon Jones says:

    Hello, Queen I really enjoyed watching this video, watching this video brings so much peace to my mind, and it makes a lot of since because that’s where a lot of us go wrong at in our relationships” I used to have that same mindset as well it took me a long time, to break free of that way of thinking. I can totally relate to this. I had to break free of myself in order to truly be free. Now I can live in a peaceful environment with my boyfriend.
    You are truly a blessing to so many keep on keeping on

    Reply
  6. Karin Merx
    Karin Merx says:

    This is so true, thank you I am always taken aback by the way you are able to use words that ring a bell so easily. I like your ‘from life’ approach opposite the intellectual approach. Thank you

    Reply
  7. Carmen
    Carmen says:

    BOL: …at least we need to be in the same book!
    I respect his speed writing / reading the book. We don’t need to be fast as I am :o)

    Reply
  8. Pilar Gonzalez
    Pilar Gonzalez says:

    Hi Lisa, thank you so much for your video, what I wanted to ask you is this. My marriage is very complicated and it has been for a while lots of people tell me I have to get separated for a while, he is on a depression right now and I think I am too, but everytime I Am confronted with separation I instantly get very anxious and have anguishes, which I hate because they take my power away, I know its my mind that makes Those feelings, seeing him bad makes me feel worst, and I do not know how to break free from the way I react, I feel powerless, I want to be there but not being attached to his feelings because I have a lot of mine to deal with.
    Can you help me?

    Reply
  9. Sherry Steine
    Sherry Steine says:

    Thanks Lisa- so funny… my husband and I were just talking about our relationship this morning. Synchronicity. He is so different and his drive is so different. My ex- was like me and we didn’t make it because we were so much alike that he became competitive. God always knows how to send a message to me and he blessed me with your video. Thank you!!!

    Reply
  10. Lynnise Jackson
    Lynnise Jackson says:

    You’re Not Looking to Be With Your Twin(AHA)
    As long as you two are in the same zip code.
    As long as you two are reading from the same book(Aha)…Much Love from Me to You with Grace and Ease

    Reply
  11. Illaina
    Illaina says:

    My BOL? I knew this to be true but somehow hearing this made me know know! I don’t want a mirror, one of me is enough! I will keep this front and center as I work through these goals and aspirations of mine! Thank you Lisa!

    Reply
  12. Christiana
    Christiana says:

    Hello Sis,
    You are my mental and I love listening to you big ups for all you to make the world a better place.
    I don’t want my partner to be on the same page with me but at least read the same book with me.I don’t know what his goals are for himself or for us beginning this year I asked him what is the plan he was like while am expecting some things to work out .
    I want to do things together am a Christian I would love him to go to church with me once in a while ,see my pastor as his father as he is to me lets let him in in our life and take advice and direction from him,
    We should go places together sometimes ,if he is doing something he won’t tell me if I get to know and ask him he wont give me details but If am doing something he wants all the details but will do nothing to help or even find out later how far with the project.
    He doesn’t take care of me like finding out what is going on with me what can he do to help and all that he comes around and he wants to be attended to I should drop everything and attend to him but he doesn’t drop anything for me so now I have decided to take care of me I deserve better please tell me am asking too or is this expecting him to be on the same page with me.

    Reply
  13. Kelly
    Kelly says:

    Ah-ah/oh-shit moment, when you said the times I wanted himto think like was when they failed me. Stuck a cord, wasn’t feeling backed in a sense with my goals and when i began to feel supported, that feeling went away. dang, sis.

    Reply
  14. Kaarisa B Karley
    Kaarisa B Karley says:

    I liked the idea of a relationship of dynamic differences… and doing nothing/ just Being.. thanks xoxo kaarisa

    Reply
  15. Wooshy
    Wooshy says:

    My aha moment was all about our partners r not necessarily to be like us think as us act like us its all about how we can let our differences dance together wow its really a great thing I discovered am was so scared to enter a relationship cuz I don’t wanna him to be different than me I thought it will be difficult and I don’t want this am so thankful for u thank u for this aha moment

    Reply
  16. Mariama
    Mariama says:

    Hi Lisa,
    Thank you for the great video! My husband and I are alike in many ways yet we are different in other ways.
    I love the African art work on the video.

    Reply
  17. Karissa
    Karissa says:

    Lisa,
    This was an important message filled with wisdom, insight and maturity. I will apply a focus on “grace and ease” in my marriage. I’ve used those terms in other areas of my life, but never in relationship. I missed the obvious! We live in a world of duality, and usually experience growth from differences and challenges, not twinning. We can also create balance in relationship when we’re different, and even polar opposites. I discovered new music and tv shows that I actually enjoyed from sitting down with my first husband to listen to/watch with him. Often in relationships, I believe God brings us who/what we need to reveal and heal our junk, if we’re open to it. I said I wanted my second husband to be a strong male type. Clearly, I forgot that I’m a strong female type. I received my request, and whew chile! This has triggered both our “stuff” that needs to be healed. We’re becoming better people for it, but it hasn’t been easy. By the way, your skin looks so beautiful in your videos. Thanks for being a light for us.

    Reply
  18. Ifeanyi Coleman
    Ifeanyi Coleman says:

    My Aha moment was the dance with differences. Gotta figure out how to get my boyfriend and I to do that dances. I’m sure it won’t be too difficult. We definitely balance each other out. I wanna be there for every milestone he reaches and vice versa.

    Reply
  19. Claudia
    Claudia says:

    Greetings my sister I really enjoyed listening to this message. I’ve just recently started seeing this guy at my college. And we definitely not on the same page but at least we’re in the same book. He makes me feel like I’m 16 years old again. This is crazy. I just don’t want to put any expectation on him cause I know that would mess up everything. My aha moment was just spending time together doing absolutely nothing cause that’s what he likes to do. And I’m learning how to better relax myself. It’s great.

    Reply
  20. Zola
    Zola says:

    I don’t know Lisa, I just feel like when you have many things in common with your partner, life becomes easier. No need for convincing and all of that, you just get each other. But if you are from different worlds, a lot of compromise takes takes which is what I feel drains relationships sometimes, it also puts pressure on either partner to do things that they don’t like for the sake of harmony. Compromise and self-sacrifice can be lethal.

    Zola
    South Africa

    Reply
  21. Romonda
    Romonda says:

    Your match is actually different…wow!! His difference are a compliment to you and yours for him. Those differences are what makes you perfect for one another. Now the saying ” when opposites attract” has a whole new meaning for me!!!

    Reply
  22. Tina Boone
    Tina Boone says:

    ABSOLUTELY LOVE, LOVE, LOVE get busy doing nothing because so many times I will get on myself when I’m not doing anything, but, in reality I have to look at it as being perfectly place and enjoying the moment.

    Reply
  23. Elenice
    Elenice says:

    I love your ideas Lisa!
    I used to push very hard to have my partner to be ME! This was the worst think in my relationship. It is much easier a relationship when we respect our boundaries and uniqueness!
    Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience!

    Reply
  24. Ameenah Muhammad
    Ameenah Muhammad says:

    My BOL was when you said they are not my twin they don’t have to see what I see or even feel what I feel and it is still okay. I am okay and they are okay that’s so very important for me to understand.

    Reply
  25. Adaeze Okezie
    Adaeze Okezie says:

    Thank you so much Lisa. This means a whole lot to me. I have been thinking all about this inside my head. Then I got to know that it’s okay to have different dreams and goals with my partner.

    Reply
  26. Ira Ross
    Ira Ross says:

    This is exactly what I want, to not have a partner to be the same as me. Have their own goals, and aspirations in life. You stated it so fantastically. Grace and ease is my motto. I am truly a happy person, I love people, it’s so awesome to know others for who they really are. I also feel life is so beautiful, and rewarding. Sharing my life with someone is an amazing thing to do with a partner, and expect them to be you. Thanks for sharing with the world.

    Reply
  27. Martha Aduko
    Martha Aduko says:

    We don’t have to be twins to agree, we need to be a prefect March to complement each other. Don’t allow people to think the same way you do, allow them think differently.
    It makes relationship lasting and loving.

    Reply

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