How to Surround Yourself with Quality People

Do you find it challenging to surround yourself with new, forward-pulling relationships without alienating existing relationships that really matter to you? 

First of all, I have been there and experienced this myself many times, so trust me when I say, #YANA (you are not alone).

For some reason, we feel like it has to be an “EITHER OR” choice. Today, I’m here to tell you that you have another possibility–the “AND WITH.”

You see, my life has been a culmination of so many relationships. I’m a keeper…meaning if I meet you, I want to keep you in my life. Some of the biggest lessons I had to learn were that new relationships have an evolution, and that in order to maintain existing relationships, you can’t take them for granted and assume they are going to always be there.

As I was busy learning, evolving, growing and meeting new like-minded people on a similar personal development path, I forgot to NURTURE some of the most important relationships in my life. I thought I had to leave my existing community in order to adopt a new mindset and run with my new tribe of gladiators, change agents and unicorns. Boy was I wrong, and thankfully I managed to course correct most of them.

In this week’s episode, I share what I’ve learned about the various types of relationships that come into our lives (whether they’re for a reason, a season or a lifetime) as well as explain how relationships, like flowers, need to be WATERED, FED and NURTURED. Yes, you can build new relationships AND keep the ones that anchor and ground you. 

Remember, this show is not a monologue. It’s a dialogue, and here we have courageous conversations I love, love, love reading your comments. So, please share below which part of this episode really hit home for youLet me know what served your soul. Which relationship have you allowed to wither away on the vine? Which ones do you need to water or sprinkle some sunshine on? Which new relationships are you developing and growing?

This is your home. We are your tribe. And when I say I love you and I believe in you, it’s because in my heart I truly do.

Your Sister in Prosperity and Possibility,

41 replies
  1. Ginger
    Ginger says:

    Wow Lisa,
    This messy was right on time
    I do care for and nourish my present relationships. My challenge is finding new relationships that I want that are aligned
    With my new visions/transformation
    I am a female, African Americans, Boomer
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Emilio Davis
      Emilio Davis says:

      Wow Emilio
      I reality from you talk forgot some important people in my Life. I need to water those relationships with is family. Don’t let vine die but bring Life to the Relationship.

      Reply
    • BRADFORD CARNICHAEL
      BRADFORD CARNICHAEL says:

      yes and no LISE SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN’T NOT GO WERE GOD IS TAKE. YOU SOME DON’T WHAT TO CHANG SOME. IF GOD IS GIVE YOU A NEW MINDSET A NEW HEART. YOU CAN DO IT YOU WAY OR GOD WAY. LEAVE THE PEOPLE HE tells YOU TO LEAVE. GOD HAVE PEOPLE TO REJECT IF THEY HAVE NEVER REJECT I WOULD get LEFT BEHIND. YEARS LATER I UNDERSTAND I FIND OUT THEY WERE MY ENEMY HATE ON ME JEALOUSY. ONLY REASON THEY WERE BEEN MY FRIEND I WAS SPECIAL I WAS WILL LIKE . DID WERE MY DEAD WEIGHT EVEN FAMILY . I WAST HALF MY LIFECARE, OTHER PEOPLE, ON MY BACK MEAN YEARS GOD HAVE ME COME A LONELY. I LET PEOPLE STOP ME FROM GROW TO BE CREATE IN THE IMAGE GOD WANT ME TO BE / THEY TRY to CREATE ME WHAT THEY WANT ME TO BE. YOU SEE LISE MEAN BEEN CALL ONLY A FEW BEEN CHOSE, I AM THE CHOSE ONE, I WAS BORN AS A SHEEP BOY BEEN A CALL TO BE A KING. I GOT HIDE GIFE INSIDE ME I WOUD’NT HAVE to LEARN HOW to USE MY GIFE IF KEEP GONIG BACK TO FRIEND AND FAMILY. YES, MY FAMILY LOVE BUT SATAN USE THERE OLD MINDSET, OLD WAY ON DONE THING, TO STOP ME FROM REACH MY GOLD FINISH MY JOURNEY ALSO MY MISSON FOR GOD GLORY.SO LISE GOD GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY NEED AND DON’T NEED . HE moves OUT OUR LIFE LET PEOPLE STAY IN OUR HE WANT IN OUR LIFE . EVEN WHEN CAME TO LET LEAVE THEM BEHIND THEN GO BACK AND PICK THEM BACK WHEN THEY CHANG THERE HEART. WITH A NEW MINDSET FIRST YOU AND THEM HAVE to GO THROUGH GOD PROCESS. IF YOUR FRIEND OR FAMILY DON’T CHANG TO GOD WILL THEY STILL JUST BE IN YOUR PAST, OR YOU KEEP THEM IN YOU LEFT DID YOUR WAY REFUSES TO WALKWAY . SEE IT OLD SAID WHEN GOD TELL ME JUMP I ASK HIM HOW HIGH TO JUMP. EVEN WHEN CAME TO YOU LISE GOD SAID MOVE YOU ASK HIM WAY JUST DO IT . WHEN GOD TOLD MOSE HOLD UP THAT RODE THE RED SEA OPEN UP. GOD DID NEED MOSE OPEN THE REASON HE COULD do HIS SELF. LOOK AT THIS LISE IF YOU DID YOU WAY TRY HOLD ON TO YOUR FRIEND . YOU WOULD come to THE WOMAN YOU ARE STILL A NOBODY. GOD MADE YOUR NAME GREAT

      Reply
  2. Helynn Boughner
    Helynn Boughner says:

    Thanks for another great, timely episode Lisa!. The best relationships never require you to make a choice of “either” “or” as they inspire you toward the best becoming the best version of yourself always seeking “and” “with”. My biggest aha-ha from this episode is that true growth is awareness and clarity around which relationships need watering , replanting or should be left to die on the vine.

    Reply
  3. Lynette Mcdonald
    Lynette Mcdonald says:

    I don’t believe it was by happenstance that I stumbled upon this message this morning. I am literally in the middle of building new relationships with partners who are from a demographic and economic position that I desire to attain. How this blessed me is that it reminded me to not forget where I’ve come from while I’m on my way to the prosperous destiny that God has promised me.

    Reply
  4. Eve Dionne
    Eve Dionne says:

    Lisa, this was sooooooooooooooooo timely! I’m grateful for your obedience to share this message. This message really resonated with me and I’ve actually been assessing the types of relationships in my life. Totally agree with this: purposeful, seasonal and life time relationships. I also belong to the “never wanna let you go Church of Eve” LOL. However, we need to be self aware and understand when that season is up or the lesson has been learned.

    Thank you!

    Eve Dionne

    Reply
  5. Keesha W
    Keesha W says:

    Just like you, I believe that I have held on to a relationship for way too long. I was not happy, thriving, or prospering, I was existing. I am making the decision to let go and accept that it is okay to let go and develop new relationships with this new person that I am becoming.

    Reply
  6. Laura Unold
    Laura Unold says:

    Thank you for reminding me to water important relationships while seeking supportive new relationships within my field.

    Reply
  7. Yvonne
    Yvonne says:

    This is great, have some relationships that am watering but seem don’t need my watering I have a few new ones that I definitely want to get rooted..

    Reply
  8. Sky
    Sky says:

    Dear Lisa
    This message is very timely for me. Just this week, I set the intention to 1. find my ‘true Soul family’ AND 2. meet quality people. Sometimes existing relationship are not supposed to be nurtured. Sometimes they are supposed to fall away. And, we must not feel guilty about walking away, especially if they are family. I come first. My sanity, my health, my peace are non-negotiable. IIt has taken a while to get here.
    I appreciate your message of ‘AND WITH’ and I think each instance/situation/life is different, but in my experience, and today, the best route I have found is EITHER OR.
    With love,
    Sky

    Reply
  9. Markita
    Markita says:

    Hey Lisa! Thanks for this message, it had some really good points! I never thought of having both but I know that some things always say with you! I will work on water relationships! Thanks again!

    Reply
  10. Carolyn Hayes
    Carolyn Hayes says:

    Hi Lisa ! Thanks so much for this message today. I’m currently growing in the 28 Days to Results program and taking stock of things and relationships that I feel no longer serve me. With this new “and with” perspective I need to re-evaluate and decide if I should salvage some things or keep it moving.Thanks again for the insight ❤️

    Reply
  11. Erica Blanchard
    Erica Blanchard says:

    SAY YESSS I JUST ❤ YOU, Lady!
    WORD: “For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom fo such a time as this? Esther 4:14
    DEED:EXCELLENT! Word in due season as ALWAYS. THANK YOU!

    Reply
  12. Deborah Brown-Hopkins
    Deborah Brown-Hopkins says:

    I wish I could say that I have existing relationships that ground me. I come from a family of loners and am an introvert myself, so my circle has always been small. My mother, grandfather and my godmother are the three long term “riders” in my life…people who have loved, nurtured me and supported me. Friends and lovers come and go, and while I have people I genuinely love and care for, I suck at staying in touch. At the same time, I am definitely attentive to my close relationships.

    Over the past 15+ years I’ve grown in leaps and bounds. I earned my first masters degree in 2013, and that’s where the problems began. My sister, who I’d spent much time cultivating a relationship with apparently was “no longer comfortable” is the best way I can put it. When I received my acceptance letter for my chosen doctoral program, her support and attitude went sour, never to return. At first I was confused about what was happening and why. Sadly, the more I grew and advanced my vision, the more friends I lost.

    It was sad and, at times, very hurtful to me. But I realized that the relationship dynamics had changed, because I’d changed. Though I saw myself the same way…just getting better, those closest to me may have begun to see themselves differently in the face of how I was growing and achieving. But to be honest, I could see that I had outgrown two of those relationships, and was consciously (though gradually) exiting them. Didn’t see that with the other two. Losing those two really hurt because they both abandoned me and betrayed my trust at my most vulnerable moment. Have you ever had someone close to you try to sabotage your success? Happened to me four times. I only had four “friends,” including my sister, so… ugh. Painful. My mom and my grandfather are long gone, and I feel so alone.

    But I’m determined that I’m going to have only quality people in my life. I’ve done so much to be the best me I can be. I am curious what else I’m capable of so I keep pushin’. Excellence feels gooood. I love the satisfaction of a job well done, and seeing myself do today what I wasn’t at all sure I could do yesterday. You never know how great you can be until you try your best. Through this time, I have also continued to cultivate my relationship with myself in profound and rewarding ways. I’m very happy with and about that! I’m so in love with me, right now!

    To be honest, my journey has been rough. I was homeless for 4 years, post graduate degrees. It took a real toll on my health. I’m not the fine and sexy thang I was back then. Thinning hair, painful arthritis, and an ankle injury have got me walking on crutches and limping like somebody’s grandma (which I am, as well). So it’s not my looks that I’m in love with. LOL It’s my character. It’s the woman I’ve grown to be. It’s my perseverance and the way I’m loving me. I push myself, for sure, but I also have compassion for myself. It’s beautiful to be able to look at myself and be happy with and proud of me. I struggle with depression. In fact, I have Major Depressive Disorder.

    I can’t help but marvel at and appreciate all that I’ve accomplished in spite of this and many other obstacles. I thank myself every day for showing up for my dreams and for choosing me. I chose to go “no contact” with someone who is precious to me recently. The relationship was just too toxic. It was so toxic that it was severely impacting both my physical and mental health. I’m still sad about it some days. Really sad. But I learned, quite the hard way, that you have to love some people from a distance, if you want to be the best you that you can be. That’s my quest. It’s a very personal journey, to be the best “me” I can be, and it’s what I’m up to for the rest of my days. What I know for sure is that I spend every moment with myself, asleep AND awake. That makes my relationship with myself (and God) the most important.

    I’m only making room for quality people in my life, and I watched your video because I’m trying to get a handle on how to do that, at this stage of my life.

    I’m nurturing myself back to health, and taking my time re any new relationships. Only quality people #OQP

    Reply
    • Leanora E. Mims
      Leanora E. Mims says:

      Thank you for that message. I needed to read that. You are amazing and I applaud you for the work that you are doing with your life and for removing toxic people from your life. You are a great example for women like me who are becoming. Having toxic family relationships are always very painful. But your courage to move forward in spite of your experiences define who you are.
      Your post had helped me so much as I too suffer from a Major Depressive disorder and I have Bi-polar affective disorder. I work hard to show up for my dreams every day and I struggle to be better than I was the day before. GOD bless you and continue to work with you as you continue on your journey!

      Reply
      • Deborah Brown-Hopkins
        Deborah Brown-Hopkins says:

        I’m glad you found inspiration in my experience. I encourage you to stay the course,✌️ Though not always easy, it’s surely rewarding!

        Reply
    • Christina W
      Christina W says:

      Deborah it’s evident you’ve really being doing your work by the vulnerability in your post! I wish you nothing but blessings for QP finding their way to you and you to them.

      Reply
  13. Deborah Brown-Hopkins
    Deborah Brown-Hopkins says:

    I forgot to answer your question “what in this message stood out” to me? “Forward-pulling relationships with amazing people who are navigating and walking in the same direction as me” pointed to the answer to how I evaluate OQP (only quality people) at this stage of life. That was a good answer. I’ll definitely ponder that. Thank you, Lisa,

    Reply
  14. Tanya
    Tanya says:

    Hello Lisa,
    The message today was right on time regarding relationships… I really was able to understand that people are in my life for a reason, season, purpose, perhaps a long time or a short period. Whatever the length of time I will learn from the connection that benefits my life and Prayerfully their life too…
    Thanks Lisa

    Reply
  15. Dalila Tahirovic
    Dalila Tahirovic says:

    Let it be known for the record that this is initiative here, of one student reaching out and saying thank you!

    I am 27 years old and feeling nourished by your words.
    Educator with a master’s degree, worked for everything I have today, and continue to dream on.

    Warmly,
    Dalila

    Reply
  16. Vendrix Headley
    Vendrix Headley says:

    This was very inspiring this is right am at wanting to go and wanting stay. Relationship means everything to me but it seams that no one wants to reciprocate. Now l know l have a mission to accomplish and that is just to cherish and water my relationships and not take any for granted. We came in each other’s path for a reason, season, are maybe eternal. Sometimes this is a bit confusing because we can’t differentiate which of the there it is. We are left disappointed and broken. Understanding is key to success in all things

    Reply
    • Deborah Brown-Hopkins
      Deborah Brown-Hopkins says:

      I certainly don’t want to overstep any boundaries here. Your choices are your own. I want to share this with you, however. For one, disappointment happens, but a relationship that leaves you broken while you’re striving toward growth and development …. when I’ve been in that situation, I looked at it as an opportunity to ask myself what was going on with me and why. Why am I here? What can I see here that I wouldn’t be able to see from any other angle? Radical acceptance of what is, choosing to truly love and accept myself, and knowing that I get to choose who and what I continue to entertain In my life can be both liberating and scary.

      I know what it’s like to be unsure re: relationships. It’s not working, but you can’t quite let it go. That’s where the confusion comes in. Why am I here? What am I getting out of this? I remember having a vision of myself as a monkey with his hand in a cookie jar, grabbing a cookie, unable to get it out but refusing to let go. All the while I’m getting beat up, because I won’t move. I’m so focused on getting a cookie that my hand is too big, when Balled up to extract. I was in a trap. No one was going to free me, nor could they really…because I was scared this was the only cookie available to me and I needed that cookie! But the truth was that Cookie wasn’t available to me that way. I was wasting my time and my effort. The pain would stop if only I let go…so I had to learn to let go. Easy? Not when you’re unsure about where to find another cookie, or if you’ll ever find another one. Not when you just plain don’t know what you’re doing.

      Such situations make me look at what I’m experiencing that I don’t want, and what I do want. I look at them as opportunities to learn, and develop. I ask myself “how can I turn this stumbling block into a stepping stone?” That gets me thinking about things differently. Now I’m choosing to be proactive and not reactive. I’m taking responsibility, which can be scary AND incredibly empowering.

      To be honest, I lingered in my last committed romantic relationship way too long. I was barely getting crumbs from that cookie I kept trying to hold onto. Like a lot of women, I kept hoping for the joy that once was between us. As it continued to deteriorate, I created a vision for my future that filled me with joy and left no room for dysfunction. It was a long road, but it’s my road and I’m going to be the one to pave it with what I want. If I’m gonna be battered and bruised anyway, I’m going to make sure I get the cookies I want! LOL

      I said all that to say that you get to choose the reason, season and purpose of a relationship. It’s not beyond your control. Leaving it up to someone or something else is giving away your power, which can leave you victimized and ashamed.

      No matter how broken you are, you can heal something that will allow you to move forward. Right now, I have an ankle injury that won’t allow me to walk, and surgery’s a long way off. I’m a dancer, so the consequent lack of activity has impacted my health and creative expression negatively. Arthritis in my hips, 70+ pound weight gain, and unable to walk without crutches. So what am I going to do?

      Well, this is an opportunity for me to do everything ELSE. I’m going to focus on my other talents, like speaking and writing. I’m going to focus on my internet presence. I’m going to buy a stationery bike so I can get my cardio in and build and strengthen every other muscle in my body. I’ve decided to cleanse, nourish and activate every cell in my body so I’ll be ready for a full and speedy recovery from surgery a year from now. Progress is slow and steady, but no matter where you are in your life, No matter how battered, bruised or broken…you can move forward in positive ways with a vision for your future and a made up mind to turn every stumbling block to a stepping stone.

      That was a really long response, I know. I just want to let you know you’re not alone. #YANA You are response-able to choose. All the best.

      Reply
  17. Darneika Copeland
    Darneika Copeland says:

    Great message Lisa, Thank you for the different perspective. This message gave me a lightbulb moment. I find it hard to cultivate new relationships and maintaining old relationships because each take so much of my time. This message helped me see that each relationship has a purpose, and some have expiration dates once the purpose is fulfilled. Thank you Lisa, for steering my brain in a direction that will help me determine where each relationships belong in my life.

    Reply
  18. Tinah Rajaal
    Tinah Rajaal says:

    Good day Lisa
    I was so exited when I saw your mail about relationship. Please tell me how can I get rid of a relationship that does not build me. That only brings out the worst in me. Thank you for reminding me to nurture my current relationships. I like your concept of stepping into a relationship and make the best of it.

    Reply
  19. Priscilia
    Priscilia says:

    Lisa, thank you so much… BOL
    I think God/universe sent this message to me through you.
    I have been battling with this for quite sometime now- looking at where I am going to and especially the friends in my life now, I know I want to break out of this environment but what about them…
    Now I know what to do.
    It has also given me a clearer perspective of the direction to take as far as my goals are concerned, how to arrange them…finding my true self first, then reaching for my ultimate goal.
    And you know what Lisa, there would not have been a better person to deliver this message to me than you…someday I hope to tell you.
    Thank you soooooo much Lisa
    Your footsteps ( in prosperity)

    Reply
  20. Ariel
    Ariel says:

    Wow! Really needed this . It seems like I’ve allowed a lot of my existing relationships to wither. The question I have is … What about the existing relationships that has not served any purpose or needs to be plucked?

    Reply
  21. Charles Mutsonziwa
    Charles Mutsonziwa says:

    This is great staff love it all the way through. This is a game changer for me. Thank you so much for transforming my life over the past two years. Keep pushing the boundaries.

    Reply
  22. Lori
    Lori says:

    Hi Lisa. Thank you for this timely message ! I am in the midst of growing both personally and professionally and those friends who have been in my life for over 20 years do not seem supportive of my growth and in fact when I speak to them I walk away from the conversations feeling drained. We have all raised our kids together and shared so many important memories yet I struggle to even want to pick up the phone to call them anymore. I’ve always been so supportive of each of them over the years yet I do not feel the support being reciprocated back to me. In recent years, I’ve met some incredible people who are growing alongside me and who support me as I continue to grow. Sadly , my old friendships feel heavy. These friends are not interested in growing personally or professionally and I find that we have less and less in common these days. It breaks my heart to let them go and I’m very conflicted. My question is how do you know when it is time to let go of relationships that you have had for over 20 years ??

    Reply
  23. Trinia Walker
    Trinia Walker says:

    Hello,
    I struggle with stepping out of my comfort zone. I don’t know where or how to start. I have all the knowledge, tools and information and I can’t seem to put it together. I want to get out of this phase in life. I need help!!!!!

    Reply
  24. Isabelle wadjou
    Isabelle wadjou says:

    Thank you Lisa for your be the light house for me.
    My AHA in this video is to no longer thinking either or in my relationship.
    The existing relationship with my husband need to be feed and nuture.
    In order to move to the new life that i want for me, to become the lady I always know myself to be, I need to keep watering my existing relationship.
    Thank you Lisa, Be blessed

    Reply
  25. Petra Shaw
    Petra Shaw says:

    Thank you Lisa for this amazing reminder that we can have both levels of relationships; it doesn’t have to be either or. You are a blessing and thank you for this on time message.

    Reply
  26. Roberta
    Roberta says:

    Right on! very opportune. I feel “and with” is something that transcends into the world of our spirits. Thank you for sharing this wisdom. ~one~

    Reply
  27. Beta Caesar
    Beta Caesar says:

    This resonated with me because I too was raised to have an either/or mindset. I love the idea I don’t have to choose because I exist in an abundant universe. I also completely agree it’s important to nurture relationships. I learned that the hard way.

    Reply
  28. LASHARON
    LASHARON says:

    Hello Lisa, first of all I have to apologize because I signed up to join
    you and read your content so long ago. For whatever reason I didn’t start
    Until May 24,2020. It was late so I didn’t get far, so this morning I am reading and listening to this on relationships and I see that timing is everything. You get what God wants you to have in his timing. This has brought so much
    clarity for a situation that I knew was withering and I knew I needed to address. Thanks for showing up in my life whenever you did because I am meant to be a part of the tribe. Thanks also for positiveness.

    Reply
  29. Anita Jennifer Jones
    Anita Jennifer Jones says:

    Lisa,

    Yes, Yes! I have dealt with this struggle for quite sometime as I grow to become a motivational speaker in the field of personal and professional development. Today, after I listened to your message you have provided me with the answer I looked for over 5 years! Thank you I will practice “AND WITH” throughout my journey! I appreciate you. See you at the top!

    -Anita Jones

    Reply
  30. Keturah Benson
    Keturah Benson says:

    Love this message definitely hit home when you said forward pulling relationships. I have carried draining relationships that cause me to abort my life mission keep me at the same place. I am thankful that I have new circles that gives me drive because that’s what in that circle. Encourage you to finish the degree or just go harder for your life purpose. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  31. JENNIFER RICHARDS
    JENNIFER RICHARDS says:

    Wow. Thank you for this. I have amazing friends that have been in my life since high school. I value them and would not want to abandon those relationships. When i did the Extraordinary you weeknd, I found myself thinking, my friends are not excited about life as I am. I started to wonder if I have to put a pause on the amount of time spent with them. I know in order for me to accomplish some of my goals, that might be the case sometimes, but not having to alienate those lifetime relationships. I am so happy to hear that I dont have to think Either Or, but And with, is the better option. Love you Lisa!

    Reply

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