3 Tips to Release Judgment

So many of us live inside both a conscious and an unconscious sense of judgment. There are eloquent ways to judge, and there are low conscious ways to judge. No matter how neatly it’s packaged and tied up with a bow, judging is still judging–whether you are judging others or yourself.

The subject of judgment is particularly relevant right now as we all watch the devastating events happening in our world unfold right before our eyes. So, let’s spend some time together having a courageous conversation as I share my top 3 tips for releasing judgment

#1 “Comparison is the Thief of all Joy.” 

Ben Franklin’s wise words hold true today. Comparison is where judgment starts. When you move into comparison, everyone loses. When you compare either you are going to believe or be led to believe or lead yourself to believe that you’re better than someone else. Like, “Oh, I’m not as crazy as them, or I’m not as good as them.” So, there is ALWAYS someone losing. You see your 100% could be someone else’s 50% or your 100% might be someone’s else’s 150%. Judgment and comparison snatch away your now and steal your joy.

#2 Live in Compassion

To get out of judgment mode, move to compassion. I mean really live in compassion. You cannot run away from judgment, but don’t focus on it. Remember energy grows where energy flows. Focus on compassion and understanding. Ask yourself, what would it be like if I were to walk a day, a month, a year in their shoes? What would that feel like? When I feel myself move into unconscious judgment, I go, “Hold on.” I live in compassion. My residence is compassion

#3 Release Judgment of Yourself First

Release judgment of yourself is the FIRST step toward acceptance of others. I often find that miserable people are judging everybody. Miserable people are hating on everybody. After all, haters hate, right? So, if you look at judgment, it can sometimes be an eloquent, very polished way of just hating on other people. And I believe that if you hold up a mirror to yourself and truly love and radically accept yourself and celebrate you, you will either 1) naturally cause a ripple effect on how you love, honor and celebrate others; or 2) reduce any judgment you are consciously or unconsciously having.

I love hearing from you, so please share in the comments below what really hit home for you?  Was there something you really needed to hear today? Did you experience an #AHA or a #BOL (breakthrough out loud)?

Remember, this is your tribe. And we are your community. And most importantly, especially right now, I want you to know that #YANA (you are not alone).

Your Sister in Prosperity and Possibility,

56 replies
  1. MAGDALENA
    MAGDALENA says:

    Dear Lisa, thank you for your tips.
    Just wondering…
    At #3 you said “miserable people are hating on everybody”.
    Hmmm ….”miserable” sounds judgmental, doesn’t it?

    Enjoy your time,
    Magdalena

    Reply
    • Susan Sackmann
      Susan Sackmann says:

      Hi Magdalena,

      Miserable is a descriptive word. Unfortunately or fortunately, the reality of life requires descriptive words. Some words can be harsh while others make us feel joy, sadness, fear, love, … etc… Describing how others may appear outwardly or the reflections of their body language one could describe a group of people as being miserable. So, for you, you may see this as a judgemental word in a derogatory sense. But, if you take in the whole paragraph of how the word is used, I feel that the word miserable is used to remind us to be a better person. If we are miserable ourselves we tend to attract the same behavior from others around us. If we can find a way to not reflect a miserable attitude we might just reflect better behaviors from others. And with that type of attitude, each day of our lives could possibly be just a little better.

      I hope your day today and tomorrow is amazing!

      Make Today Beautiful
      Susan 🙂

      PS: I am not always roses and rainbows. I have many days where my world is nothing but gloom and gray skies. But, I am trying my best to be a better person each day!

      Reply
      • Murween Rose
        Murween Rose says:

        I love your presentation; I love the thought of “to get out of judgement mode , move to compassion. I try not to focus on judgement even though I know it exits. I will share my feelings with someone in an open way most time without passing any form of judgement.

        Reply
        • Vera
          Vera says:

          Hi Lisa,
          I love today’s message. I don’t consider myself to be a judgmental person. I tend to have compassion and try to understand a person’s point of view because I understand we all come from our realities. My aha moment having unconscious judgments. I hadn’t considered it and will now look deeper inwardly to see if it lies within. Loved the message!
          Vera

          Reply
      • Rose Shelley
        Rose Shelley says:

        Well said Susan. It may have sounded judgmental but in one word hard to describe someone who is not in a happy place. And happy is also difficult to define. So some words can be difficult to explain something positively and vice verser. But thank you magdalen for that comment because it highlighted to me how sometimes meaning can be misconstrued unintentionally. So I will be more careful in future of what words I use .

        Reply
    • Phiwa Xulu
      Phiwa Xulu says:

      Dear Lisa,

      From the first time I heard you on one of mindvalley youtube vidoes i was in awe of what you are doing. When you spoke about what your Grandma taught you in that hotel about making your bed and wiping the sink (I literally cried) when she taught you that each time you enjoy speaking in public always remember your ancestors or your great-grandparents who forged the way before you so that you get to enjoy the best life that you now have.

      That was my ahha moment because I know that I was born for greatness and the fear of being judged is holding me back. What you do is make me realise my own path, I GOT THIS….Thank you for allowing God to use you as you help others find their purpose.

      I have just realised what mine is…to help others realise their purpose too, It’s like you awoken something in me.

      Once again, thank you

      Kind regards,
      Phiwa

      Reply
  2. Dee
    Dee says:

    Hi Lisa, Your message on judgement spoke to me today. I battle with being judgmental/critical. My commitment is to release the judging of others and myself . My ‘aha’ was the problem with comparing myself to others. As you said there is always going to be a loser when doing that. Thanks for the great message

    Reply
  3. Rene'e
    Rene'e says:

    I absolutely need your mentorship in my life now, always did but now I am on a serious road of destruction. I can’t get off of it not like I haven’t tried but I keep taking the wheel.

    Reply
    • Rene'e
      Rene'e says:

      My aha moment was Tip #1 Comparison and judgement. I was accused of that same thing now too little too late. I hear and see it now

      Reply
  4. Randa Ibrahim Elsayed
    Randa Ibrahim Elsayed says:

    Hello our sister
    Judgment is block my step to speak online by my accent. I’m Egyptian Ameeican and I’m NLP Practitioner and Reiki healing. I tried many time to broken the the lock but judgment is stop me to do. Now, the USA is suffering from Coronavirus and the Racism and I need be a volunteer to anyone is suffering. I need to help people. But, judgment is stop me to go forward and starting talk through LinkedIn to announce that I’m here for healing your spirit, heart and mind.

    Reply
    • Cade
      Cade says:

      Don’t let your accent hold you back. The more you speak the more confident you will become. I was deaf as a child and had a significant speech impediment for years. I would read to myself, out loud, for hours, and do my absolute best to clearly enunciate and pronounce each word until I was confident that people would understand me. I still have certain words that make people giggle when I pronounce them, but that tells me that they are paying attention. I have absolute faith in you! Love & blessings!

      Reply
    • Nessa
      Nessa says:

      Randa. I can’t imagine it’s easy for you but I believe there will be people who look past the areas you may struggle with. They will focus only on the gift of healing you provide. Please have compassion with yourself and give others a chance to show you the same compassion. Reach out and offer your services. The worst that can happen is no one responds. The best that that can happen is… Well the sky is the limit on how wonderful things could turn out for you. Be gentle with yourself. So you can attract others who will do the same with you. Remember you are looking for people who are looking for you. Concentrate on the gifts you have to offer and those who are meant to connect with you will find you. Wishing you all the best!!!

      Reply
  5. Rachna
    Rachna says:

    Thank you so much Lisa for your wonderful advice.You are such a motivation.Really need to be connected with you at this difficult period of anxiety, low self esteem and uncertainty.Looking forward for another encouraging session……

    Lisa really need your guidance on how to stop chasing love…When you are deeply connected to a person but you don’t feel the same is being reciprocated.and to prove yourself you keep on running and chasing that person and losing your self esteem….Which causes depression and you start becoming who you are not and thus lowering your vibrational energy.
    Thanks and regards
    Rachna

    Reply
  6. Darell
    Darell says:

    Good morning. Thank you for the reminder about ‘judgement’ of self and others. By the way, what happened to Mondays with Matt? I enjoyed the series. In the meantime, Be Happy Be Healthy Be Safe Be Well. Darell

    Reply
  7. WC Harris
    WC Harris says:

    Ms Nichols, you sound like those leaders in our country who have contracted with the Feds to stiffle our movement. As an African American male child, I find it odd that a women in your position do not understand the why’s of Black Lives Matter. This piece about you gave about ‘the release of judgement” does not address “truth to power.” Once understand “George Floyd” was your son then your message will change. True judgement addresses unrighteousness, wickedness, lies, deception, murder and the shedding of innocent blood in our community. you seem to ignore that truth. Thanks for the Sunday school lession! WC

    Reply
    • Annick
      Annick says:

      I have to confess that Mr WC harris seems to have a point. How can we not juge and at the same time denounce unjustice such as Black live matter for example. MS Nichols, What exactly do you mean by judjing. As if no judgement at all on certain topics, life could become an anarchy. I hope all these queries do get read and answered.

      Reply
      • Teiya Inokuma
        Teiya Inokuma says:

        What WC Harris and Annick says touches on places within me that feel confused about all the emotions we feel and why “leaders” such as you are not expressing. At the moment, I don’t want to bypass our complex emotional landscape. I am tired of the “hearts and flowers only” and want to see us all own all of our emotions, including you, Lisa. Anger, fear, and frustration are important feelings to acknowledge and ownership, especially when we can express impact from other’s choices, in order to validate each other and connect multi-racially. How does change happen if we do not acknowledge and express all the emotions? If we do not share impact? I feel angry when I watch 3 policemen break policy, physically harm, and ignore a black man’s voice who is not resisting. I feel angry when I hear about the statistic that 2.5 blacks to 1 white person are harassed by officials, and that this behavior is virtually ignored by our “system” due to patriarchal privilege. I feel disgusted with myself when I feel lazy due to privilege (I am not white) and these “darker” feelings can motivate me to be active in listening, educating myself, and conversing, such as here.

        Reply
  8. Theresa
    Theresa says:

    Lisa such wise words!! Such wisdom in such a short amount of time. “Comparison is the thief of all joy” was the key to a light bulb moment for me. So true that nobody wins with that. I am contemplating a big shift in my life (moving from a “nine to five” to breaking out on my own path to a spiritual/service type business) and let me tell you that “comparison” devil is haunting and scratching at me. Comparing oneself to others can only lead to judgement of oneself and judgement of others. Looking at it that way simplifies and makes it easier to grasp and recognize then hence take conscious action to shift the thought! So eye opening!! The other huge take away is COMPASSION…..Yes I do love and so my best to live and communicate compassion. Imagine what a world we’d be living in right now..but we all sought to think and live our lives with compassion in our hearts!! Love love love the message and love love love you Lisa!!!❤❤❤

    Reply
  9. ora gooch
    ora gooch says:

    Yes i do get it,i have the issue of thinking not good enough cause someone has something i don’t or the kind of family i wished for but know i see i got what right for me.

    Reply
  10. Dina
    Dina says:

    This was truly a blessing by having compassion for myself from a higherself perspective I am able to see and feel compassion for my husband and now appreciate more what the universe has brought together. Two worthy beings of light and love.

    Reply
  11. Don Rosom
    Don Rosom says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom. Last night I was watching 3 of your YouTube videos and learnt so much. You made me think of what am I doing, and am I as effective as I can be? The answer is I can be much better.

    Reply
  12. Alana Houston
    Alana Houston says:

    I love how you share the different sides of judgement, the conscious side and unconscious side. I often find myself judging others when I am judging myself first. If I remind myself not to judge my own actions, thoughts and beliefs, etc., I find it easier to not judge others. Thank you for this Ms. Lisa! #BOL

    Reply
  13. Andrea Salaz
    Andrea Salaz says:

    I’ve found myself judging other women only due to my lack of self esteem. I used try to make myself seem better in any little way. It’s incredibly enlightening how much I devalued myself in the process.
    When you know better, you do better and that’s what I’m trying to do.
    Thank you Lisa!

    Reply
  14. M. Cherry
    M. Cherry says:

    Great Day Ms. Nicole’s, I have listened to you on The Secret over and over again, but last week I pulled up motivational women speakers and I tune in on you not realizing until have way into your message how you were, I became so excited. Your words are really encouraging and uplifting. At this present moment I have been experiencing being compared to an ex, and the things that are being said are so wrong. But, with Our Father and your push, I’ll be good. Thank you. Ms. Nicholes for blessing others. ❤️

    Reply
  15. Daniela Vasquez
    Daniela Vasquez says:

    Lisa,

    I am amazed at how this topic managed to show up in my inbox because the topic of judgment has been on my mind for some time. Quite the synchronicity!! I’ve realized this is a burden on my psyche as well as the collective consciousness. When we judge, I see that it always puts somebody in the wrong, and someone else is left on a “pedestal”. My big AHA moment is learning that living in the middle, in neither wrong or right (black or white thinking) but rather in the gray areas, where acceptance flows and resides helps free us, (has helped free me) from the burden of judgment! Accepting that I am sufficient in my point of views, and that the other is sufficient in theirs. I am left wondering how to approach certain difficult situations with people who endlessly seem to judge either consciously or unconsciously. What are some communication tips for those of us who are trying to release judgment and re-shift our focus towards compassion?

    Thank you always for sharing your wise words!
    I am so happy to be apart of this tribe.
    God bless!

    Daniela

    Reply
  16. Elenice
    Elenice says:

    I love you Lisa!

    My #AHA moment: Yes, we need first stop judging ourselves so we can love life including everyone and every living being!
    Thank you for your time and love.

    Reply
  17. Kgomotso Deekay
    Kgomotso Deekay says:

    yes…YES, Comparison stole my joy, I can’t recognize my self any more, I see little of my achievements compared to those my age, I see my self as nothing but a failure, thank you for awakening the courageous Kgomotso. You are so amazing sis Lisa Nichols

    Reply
  18. Rahab
    Rahab says:

    My take away was #2 – live in compassion. Lately I’ve actually realized that whenever I feel the judgmental/critical bug begin to bite, if I turn on the compassion button love for the person begins to flow, and judgment dissipates.
    Thanks for the reminder.

    Reply
  19. Melissa K. Crossley
    Melissa K. Crossley says:

    Thank you so much !!!!!!!!! This right here put me back onto the right mindset before the fad of heavy compare and contrast become relevant in our everyday live. Especially as a millennial on social media. Like Cardi B said, “I’m my own competition, I’m competing with myself.” Stop being so judgmental on self and self will reward you with compassion allowing to feel better to go forward.

    Reply
  20. Juliana Rodriguez
    Juliana Rodriguez says:

    Hello Lisa, I enjoyed your message today. It was like a home remedy and I read it and listened many times. I am a victim of judgmental people. It’s been like a plague in my family affecting negatively my adult life. My own family has hurt me the most. That pushed me away to have a life of isolation and not trusting them. They also, told to my children wrong information about me and I didn’t know when or how that happened, neither realized it, but I have been suffering the consequences to this point of my life. Thank you very much for that great message.

    Reply
  21. Bette Wilder
    Bette Wilder says:

    Thanks for the reminder. I think that we tend to be unaware when we were judging or comparing others at few instances then changing it immediately once we become aware. We all have that moment!! I want to be less judgmental. I have deep compassion for others. The comparing part is my common weakest trait due to my deafness and I am still working on it. I always want to be the best I can be to service of others. My inner emotions are showing up during this unprecedented times such Coronavirus and George Floyd. Judgmental are the main factor that led to George Floyd’s death and how can we resolved this ancient chain reaction over hundreds years! It is so heartbreaking and I wish we had colorless and labeling – less society. My deep condolences to all who sheds their tears!! Hugs to all!! Light and Love to all!!

    Reply
  22. Carla
    Carla says:

    Thanks for the message, I am often judged by my coworkers, and it’s painful sometimes. I’m a very positive person and I’m struggling trying to realign my energy from the negativity of my coworkers.

    Reply
  23. Verona
    Verona says:

    Lisa, thank you for the reminder of insidious judgement within myself of Me!! Yr message liberates me to truly bring my gifts!! Lv & appreciate YOU!!

    Reply
  24. Maria Klaiber
    Maria Klaiber says:

    Thank you Lisa! So proud of you and honored to be your soul sister of love, possibility, and prosperity. Healing is really an expansion of consciousness. Healing is what our soul is about. We all have to do this work and that requires how we look at things. Healing is a long, rigourous, and necessary. Women are the souls of the planet. If we heal ourselves, then our relationships and our community and the planet gets healed. It all starts at home with lessons of compassion, self love, self-esteem, equality, spirituality, advocacy, leadership and accountability. “Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together.” —-Gary Ryan Blair

    Reply
  25. Arreanna Scott
    Arreanna Scott says:

    AHA! Love honor and celebrate myself so that I may be able to release judgement on myself and others. Compassion understanding everybody has a story.

    Reply
  26. Yolanda Irving
    Yolanda Irving says:

    Lisa I appreciate you judgment it can stop the flow of knowledge the real person standing in the mirror or The person standing beside one or behind them Thank You , you have help open up things I try not to judge because I get judge often for being me you have opened a new avenue

    Reply
  27. Dena
    Dena says:

    Thank you
    This is my first time watch m it eill not be my last
    I enjoyed listening
    N never thought that when comparing sef to others or others to self
    NO ONE WINS THERE IS SOMETHING ALWAYS LOST
    Thank you

    Reply
  28. Joyce White
    Joyce White says:

    My ah ha moment was when you shared to reduce any judgment you are consciously or unconsciously having.

    Reply
  29. Amanda Fendell
    Amanda Fendell says:

    My BOL moment was the part about compassion and how energy grows were energy flows. I am gaining a better understanding of how it all is relevant. I have often found myself telling others how wrong they are as well as telling myself how wrong I am (which I realize now creates anxiety). Not to long ago there was a situation were I felt that I reacted very poorly and up until then I always made it my “priority “ to be hard on myself. This particular time was different because as I began to “ beat myself up” about the whole situation, a thought came to mind. The thought was – Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself. I was amazed at the new idea and after that my perspective totally changed about that situation and about me.

    Reply
  30. Susan Wright
    Susan Wright says:

    Lisa I LOVE YOU!! I’ve been waiting for a voice of Love and Compassion to be heard above all of the noise and chaos of hate, anger, separation and violence.
    The unrest sweeping across the globe right now has been even more terrifying than the Covid-19 virus and I believe that this has been fuelled by the media, inciting more hate and separation.
    Your voice has truly lifted my heart and has given me hope!!
    It is like a voice from someone who is viewing this from a higher plain! Yes, how can we possibly move forward positively if we judge others and step out of compassion – whether that be for ourselves or others.
    My only wish is that your voice and more voices of LOVE and COMPASSION can reach a wider audience! It is what the world needs right now and not more voices, protests inciting more hate and separation.
    Please please please speak out more Lisa to uplift the human race right now!

    Reply
  31. Ione Studway
    Ione Studway says:

    Hi Lisa! I enjoy receiving your messages. I love you! I published my first book last year, “Holy Racism, In The Holy Bible.” In it I did a lot of judging, but in love and through compassion☺️ to show the Heart of God towards all mankind. Question, what are some ways to as you call it, “Eloquently judge?”

    Reply
  32. Jessie M Hancox
    Jessie M Hancox says:

    Loving your self first hit home for me; for if you do not have love and respect for yourself, how can you truely love and respect others? I also really loved the line about “low vibrations”. I’m reading The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav for ther 2nd time. And in it, the author speaks alot about low and high vibrations of energy. And how these energies perpetuate back to you as you give them away. I always love your perspective on things Lisa. Thank you!!

    Reply
  33. Phyllis
    Phyllis says:

    Thank you Lisa Nichols for being a courageous leader Sister girl.

    You’ve gotten me to understand that it is “freeing” to have free & open dialogue.

    Like you mentioned comparing yourself to others someone will lose. I am learning NOT to do that but to center myself more in LOVING myself so all I’ll want to do is do good and nourish that that is around me.

    Reply
  34. Linda Wright-Patrick
    Linda Wright-Patrick says:

    I truly enjoyed this conversation. My aha moment was putting myself in someone else’s shoes. While I have learned to live outside of comparing myself to others I now know that I have to see things from the perspective of others.

    Reply
  35. Claudia
    Claudia says:

    Moving to compassion. Because I was trying to stop judging by saying “Stop” or “Alto” I thought that might be more fun but it wasn’t. I can relate to the idea of moving into Compassion. Thank you for showing me this way and also reminding me about loving myself. I sometimes skrimp on myself and my ex-roommate was a real mirror for me as she had packages coming for herself daily and et cetera. I have done mirror work for some years and ove it and saw you love it too, but I forget to do it regularly. Love. Claudia

    Reply
  36. Erica Blanchard
    Erica Blanchard says:

    Hello My Sister in Prosperity & Possibility!

    I compete with myself always working to live on a self awareness and heighten sense of awareness level, it’s hard to connect with women, and I’ve judged myself harshly because of it. Well in my groweth I’ve exercised a saying from my mother, that’s a BLESSING. “People are doing the BEST they can with what they have”. And that is the same for me. And I’m much more gentle and patient with myself. However I found it may reveal itself in the mostly unlikely situation, and I have to cast it down, interrupt that pattern by changing the view into a positive energy of living in a place of compassion & mercy. I thank the LordGod for YOU, truly. Just ❤ YOU, Stay Fabulous and Safe. ✊✌

    Reply
  37. CATALIA
    CATALIA says:

    Hi , my lovely sister
    Thanks for every moment you Believe in Mê ❤️❤️❤️
    I hope some days see you .

    Reply
  38. Olayemi Ogunleye
    Olayemi Ogunleye says:

    Thank you Lisa for this inspiring /soul searching tips about been judgmental..Honestly it has immediately changed my thoughts and approach on these. Am just coming up as a speaker/counselor i believe having compassion and release of self judgement is a vital tool needed especially as a counselor or leader. Lisa am saying this again and again you are a gift to our generation,i thank you for walking to my life at that critical time [Sept 2019] when you thought me how to deal with my fears, and ever since my Lisa has changed the game.THANK YOU

    Reply
  39. Daphne Bradsher
    Daphne Bradsher says:

    Lisa,
    Thank you for your inspiration. I think I do judge other people without realizing it then want to take it back.
    Like you said it is because I judge myself.
    Sometimes too hard. Sometimes rightly.
    Thank you for reminding me it steals joy.
    That’s something rare these days that we so need more of!
    God bless,
    Daphne

    Reply

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